Musical Musings - 2 - Mandram vandha and I

In my last blog I had described how the song "mandram vandha thendralukku" became inseparable. One glaring thing I never had in CECRI was a good set of people with whom I could discuss at length about music and improve (barring one person, Deepa, who was way too good for discussion). This yearning was resolved when I came in touch with a great forum http://tfmpage.com/forum where I found people discussing and shredding songs with their analysis. I was introduced to this page by my CECRI senior, Dandy, at Univ of South carolina where I am still hunting for my PhD. I found a great relief when I could at last bump into a set of people who had ideas very similar to mine about music. This forum eased my pressure of questioning and infused in me a lot of new insights about music, objective analysis, appreciation for great artists like MSV who I was not very familiar with and also a lot of new details on the music styles. In my own way, I contributed, sometimes naively, sometimes ordinarily and occasionally convincingly on various topics of music. Some of the participants became very good personal friends with whom I have a great rapport irrespective of the ideological differences. On "mandram vandha thendralukku" I wrote what I felt then. It is given below. One beautiful song with admirable lyrics is "Mandram Vandha Thendralukku". The song in the very first line indicates that there is a misunderstanding between the husband and wife. The second line

"Bhoopalamae Koodaathennum Vaanam undO soll"

It is one of the lines with a deep inner meaning. Without Bhoopalam the sky can survive and so is the case of the raga. It can exist without the sky. But the very meaning of their existence is lost. They must pair up to add meaing to their existence.

"Thaamarai Melae Neerthuli Pole Thalivanum Thalaiviyum Vazhvadhenna"

Everybody understands that the glossy coat on the leaf of the the lotus is hydrophobic. Inspite of the two being associated for the very purpose of survival they are unattached. This tells us the story of the film in just one line.

"Nanbargal Polae vazhvadharkku maalaiyum melamum thevai alla"

This clearly demarcates the regimes of friendship and love. The couple need to have something above the normal plane of friendship. It is for that purpose that they have been united by the wedlock. This line indicates that there is no physical relation between them which is absolutely essential.

Other lines are:

"Medaiyaip polae vazhkai alla"

This reflects the traditional Indian philosophy. It contradicts the very much western "All the world is a stage" by shakespeare. It says the life is no play and implies that the wedlock is precious and has divinity. The line opposes the "Take it easy way" of the Western world when it comes to marital relations and values.
The next line:

"Oadaiyaippolae Uravum alla Paadhaigal Maariyae payanam sella"

This line stresses much more the interpretations of the previous line. The traditional Indian view of the marriage being a one - to - one function is highlighted here. It says that a river if courses through many paths at the same time shall lose its might and content and this highlights the ill effects of polyandry and polygamy. In the film this line indicates that neither Mohan nor Revathi can get over the relation that they had established. She cannot forget her past and he does not want to lose his present. This line emphasizes that the two be in good relation with each other to ease the way of living in the future.

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I wonder how much off that makes sense now J

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Musical Musings - 1 - Mandram vandha and CECRI

Whenever guys want to get close with girls, a standard question they ask is : "Do you like music ?". I have still not found anybody who answered that question negatively. To me that is one of the most stupid questions a person can ask a fellow human being. Whatever be the personality, character, intellectual capacity or profession of a person, he has at least a set of songs that he likes, whatever genre they belong to. Romantics tend to associate many songs with their incidents in life. A song for first crush, a song for first rejection, for acceptance, for a walk in the dusk and more...The list is endless. I must admit on a low note that my romanticism has been partially replaced by love of music for technicalities.

Music is my passion. I can never resist a good melodious song irrespective of what genre or language it belongs to and if it is impressive I learn the tune consciously or unconsciously. It is indeed comical when I look back and understand how much I had toiled to understand that I really appreciated and loved music ! Yeah, I did not realize till the 12th grade that I could sing to an appreciable extent ! When I joined my undergrad insititution, ragging by seniors opened my eyes about my own self. I have cherished Ilaiyaraja's songs for long without even knowing that he composed all those. I came to understand it only when I saw the big divide among my seniors who prided in claiming to be vehement fans of either Ilaiyaraja or Rehman. I distinctly remember one of my seniors, Maruthi, who urged me to sing "anjali anjali pushpanjali". This caused a furore among the seniors who were protesting against a rehman song for which Maruthi, who looked really big, hirsute and intimidating, gave a silencing reply :"he is singing an SPB song. Shut the hell up !". I distinctly remember one of the seniors making me sing "marathai vechchavan thaNNi ooththuvaan" and go around the trees and do a chipko followed by watering them with..ya..you guessed it.

In the second semester, I got introduced to a small music keyboard which changed my entire perception of music. Till that day, I held an opinion that such electornic items were meant for those basking in luxury, and the very sight of it made me feel rich. It was only a little more than a 2 feet long and my first experiment on it was to play the good old "varaveeNa mrudhupaani" in the scale of F#. Though the song itself was known to me, I never had a formal education in classical music. I was so very happy and surprised to find that there was an instrument which I did not know a bit about, that could generate the tune I knew shades of. That became my primary interest and studies became secondary.

I vividly remember my first ever appearance on CECRI stage. After much of a toil with the afore-mentioned keyboard and an upright battered drum, the "music troupe" of B.Tech was about to stage a few songs in the eve of new year. I had a senior - Nandakumar - who was modereately proficient in playing the keyboard and was the team leader. In front of a crowd of 500 or more, I had my first rendition of "mandram vandha thendralukku" just before the stroke of 12 (of 1995). It was a wonderful experience for two reasons:

(1) I never learned the song the way SPB sang it. Nanda taught me vocally.
(2) That was my first solo performance with a troupe in front of a big crowd !

The song was a hit and once I came off the stage, my friends greeted me with buckets of water. Yeah..the entire hostel was playing with water in the night and I was the only one spared for the cause of show and I was given the same treatment once the show ended. The blue shirt that I wore, was a disaster since the dye had come off marking my brown pants blue ! I still remember the act of 'sacrifice' that Balaji did by offering himself to be watered instead of Suresh who was feverish. Well, he was watered with twice the normal intensity.

The song stuck as my regular number in the shows and continues to be a personal favorite till date. Slowly I realized my latent love for all the great artists and started to pick up songs which were more challenging, but never attempted them on stage, due to a conservative fright. It opened the floodgates for my analysis, interpretation and appreciation of many songs to come. Yesudas, SPB, Chitra, Janaki and Susheela became dearer to me than ever and Ilaiyaraja the dearest. I plunged myself trying to play these tunes on the kid keyboard. After much persistence, guhanand, my immediate senior gave me the brahmarahasya : "three keys make a chord". With no texts or books whatsoever, I started playing arbitrary "chords" to accompany the tunes I was playing and was ridiculously teased by some of my friends. But not many were not knowledgeable to distinguish between cacophony and good music and that was blissful.

Today music and learning seem inseparable from life. Though CECRI was the real launchpad for learning music seriously (all by myself), I still have some of the fond memories associated with singing in 12th grade and lower. Later about it...

Is happiness to be gained ? - Part 4

In part-3, we raised two questions:

(1) If my nature is happiness, why do I get unhappy?
(2) What takes me away from my nature?

We also inferred that answering (2) answers (1). Let us take the example of sun. When sun shines, I say it is bright. When a cloud shields the light from the sun, I say it is dark. But the point here to note is that brightness and darkness are my perceptions. My perceiving the darkness does NOT make the sun disappear or stop from glowing. The sun shines as ever but I do not get to see the sun in full expression. Or in other words, the full potential of the sun is not available to me, the cause of which could be the cloud.

Same argument is applied to happiness by the great masters. What is, is all happiness. But my becoming unhappy is ONLY because I fail to recognize the full expression of happiness. Since it may be a little difficult to accept this argument as is, let us dig a little deeper.

Masters have ruled that Aham aananda swaroopaha. This means, I am of the nature of happiness. I find it difficult to believe since I find that all the people in the world I see are seemingly unhappy and unsatisfied, seeking happiness in one form or the other. If an overwhelming number of people seem to be unhappy, how can I be convinced that the real nature of any person is happiness? The masters have presented a clear analysis on this.

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Desire and relentless action

In any scientific experiment there are three parts:

(1) Observation of the phenomenon
(2) Collection of data
(3) Study

A good example is the story of Newton who got inspired by a falling apple. He observed that an apple fell from the tree. It struck to his mind that everything falls if there is no support. He collected data, studied and concluded that gravity - a force - is responsible for attracting the objects towards the earth?s surface. How is this example relevant to our discussion?

Everybody in this world acts relentlessly. The Part-1 of this series starts with that observation. Action is a phenomenon. And that everybody acts is an observation. We find that everybody acts differently but acts for sure. This constitutes the collection of data. When we try to understand or study why this happens, why everybody acts incessantly, we find that everybody has a desire instigating their action. Desires themselves are mutually different and so are the actions instigated by them and the people performing them, but, that the desire is the cause for the action, is undeniable. That the desire exists and people in a thirst to quench the desire, perform an action is undeniable. A desire creates a drive to be happy. It stems from an urge to be happy. Everybody has a pressure to make themselves happy. But, as in any science it is understandable that the presence of a pressure (or a gradient in engineering terms) in a system implies a distance from the equilibrium or the natural state. For example, a temperature gradient drives the flow of heat to nullify the differences in temperatures between the hot and cold bodies to attain thermal equilibrium. Similarly a compressed spring retreats to its natural state when the pressure is released. At the time of pressure, there is a great urge in the spring to go to the natural state since it is far away from it.

The people that we see performing an action have a strong urge to dispel the desire and acquire happiness. Or in other words, they want to relieve themselves off the pressure that the desire creates in them so that they can be happy. Thus, there is a natural urge to be happy in everybody performing an action. Even a person who attempts suicide seeks happiness through death since he finds his life unhappy. Thus everybody in this world has a constant urge to seek happiness. Or in other words, since happiness is the nature that they are, they seek their natural state where they can feel home at. The unhappiness that I experience is because of the partial expression of the happiness due to a cover that masks its full expression. Every time I want to break that cover. What kind of a cover is this? It is the ignorance about my self.

Ufff! pressures, covers.. we went for quite a ride. Let us summarize:

(1) The full expression of happiness is masked an this leads to unhappiness
(2) The cover of ignorance about my real nature or full expression of happiness makes me feel pressured

Thus since I seek happiness all the time, it is my natural state. But since something is hindering me from experiencing its full expression, some sort of ignorance, I have a DESIRE to become happy. When this desire steps in my mind, I seek ways to become happy. I try to find all possible answers without addressing the question properly. I feel I can become happy by buying a house. I feel I can become happy eating good food.

But, what is next? Another desire! Thus there is a constant background music going in our life "I want.. I want"J. How many ever desires I satiate, I am still left with more to come and the basic thing that is common to all these desires is the background music "I want.. I want". This music goes on and on in my life. This background music can be compared to the traditional Indian drone (tanpura) which offers a two note scale background support for a performing artist. Whatever happens with artist or the crowd or with the music, the background is unperturbed and goes on and on unchanged J

By acting to satiate my desires I am clearly trying to remove the "wanting person" in me who is creating a pressure on me all the time. "I want" is common and "what I want" is different. Or in other words, everybody has desires for sure though in various colors and flavors. The wanting person is there in everybody and the natural urge to become happy is there in all.

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Desire is will-based and urge is not

There is a distinct difference between urge and desire. We saw in the last section that:

(1) When the nature is covered there is an urge to break the cover and come back to the nature
(2) To come back to the natural state I employ a desire

Or in other words, the urge to become happy is different from a desire. I may desire to eat a doughnut, fly a plane or watch a movie and these desires are clearly different. What runs as an undercurrent in these desires is the URGE to become happy. Thus the urge to become happy is natural whereas the desire I cultivate to appease my urge is will-based. My nature, the happiness is covered and there is a push from inside and this push is the urge. The desire that I implant as a vehicle to appease my urge, is will-based.

Hmm.. why such a rough discussion ? Why must I understand that the urge to become happy is NOT will-based but only the desire is? Let us look at the spring example. When the spring is compressed, it has an urge to retreat. Can the urge in the spring be called unnatural? No. Why? It is important to make a clear distinction here. When the spring is pushed away from its equilibrium, it has an urge to retreat. This urge it displays to retreat is natural whereas the state that the spring is in (compressed) is unnatural. The same logic is applied here. The urge I have, to get out of my natural state is natural, whereas the state that I am in (unhappiness) is unnatural.

What is natural needs to be attained and what is cultivated can be expunged. To be more precise, what is natural cannot be stopped from being attained by a will-based thought or action and that which is will-based can always be repealed (by will of course). Thus the desire can always be rationalized and cancelled whereas it is impossible to stop one from getting urged to become happy. For example, the desire to drink a potion which is poisonous could be nullified by the knowledge that it is deleterious to life whereas the urge to drink potable water when one is thirsty cannot be rationalized and cancelled.

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How to satiate the urge?

Next question is how to fulfill this urge to become happy. The urge can be satisfied only when I understand through what source I can be happy about. Getting that source of happiness, I will be able to satisfy my urge. What is that object which by the acquirement of which I become uncompromisingly happy? Chocolate? Children? house? What is it?

Recall our earlier discussions. There is NO such object which can bring me uncompromising eternal happiness which is my nature. The idea that something "other than me" will "help me take my self to my natural state" itself sounds absurd. The natural state is one which I will tend to be in irrespective of whether there is a "helper object" or not. This situation can be likened to a catalyst which helps in the attainment of chemical equilibrium faster but the absence of which will still propel the reaction to equilibrium. The irony though in that example is that, I find no such object that is a "helper" for attaining eternal happiness.

Thus I am in a conflict. My nature is happiness - as established, I do not experience it fully - as observed and I do not find any "helper" object or situation or experience which would lead me into it - as inferred. How will I be able to tackle this question? This can be tackled only by realizing that the source of happiness is NOT outside me. That which is natural to me cannot be external to me. The happiness that I seek which is also my nature, cannot be external to me.

Let us first give the benefit of doubt to those great masters who have experienced the truth about selves and had passed the knowledge down the generations. They stated that my nature is happiness and also gave me an analysis to understand that I am always on the look out for being happy. Since I am always searching for happiness and since masters ascertain that it is my nature, I am clear that, I can NEVER miss it. Since my nature is happiness which is total and full, I cannot withstand anything less than its maximum degree of expression. Or conversely, a lesser degree of happiness which we may call unhappiness, is a state I cannot be comfortable in. Or in other words, since happiness is my nature, I cannot stand unhappiness and I always tend to progress towards the fullest form of happiness. Any sense of lack becomes unacceptable to me and this creates an urge in me to revert back to my natural state. I am presently tied down by my self-judgment that I lack happiness and I need to gain it. This wrong judgment is clearly from the ignorance which has to be removed to experience the complete and uncompromised expression of total happiness.

Whenever I cultivate a desire, I allow a foreign element through my will which since not being off my nature, disturbs me. When I acquire an object in the world, I temporarily relieve my self from the music of "I want". This "wanting" tendency which is nothing but desire, is removed temporarily and I am introduced to my nature that is happiness. It can be likened to the sun coming bright after the cloud is gone. The fulfillment of the desire is the removal of the cloud. Once the cloud is removed I am exposed to the sun and this is the real nature of brightness. The object of desire after acquirement introduces me to my real nature temporarily and I am completely comfortable then. But since this object that I acquire is not an eternal source of happiness, my interest in it dies down and I seek happiness through other objects.

Thus such a seeking cannot clearly be a solution for satiating the urge that I nurture. The only solution is to realize through the knowledge expounded by the masters that I need not seek to be happy but realize that I am of the nature of happiness. So, the only way to satiate this urge completely and uncompromisingly is to seek a guru who will help me dispel the various notions that I have about happiness and reveal to me the clear truth. Knowledge alone can bring the change in my attitude.

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Conclusion

Thus my nature is happiness. It is not limited by my body, mind and senses. This happiness is experienced by me every moment. Happiness being my nature is the reason why I seek to be in that all the time. But ignorance about my nature curtails it from my being able to experience it in its fullest expression. The ignorance comes from my own judgment of my being a person with inadequacy. Knowledge dispensed through a Guru only can bring in me the change in the attitude and dispel my notions about my nature. The knowledge revealed by the masters through the scriptures clearly establishes the inability of any object other than my own self being able to make me happy eternally. Once I realize this great teaching of the masters, I will find that the problems that I see in my life are clearly and properly addressed.

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(Based on the notes from Swamiji's Is Happiness to be Gained )

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Is happiness to be gained ? - Part 3

We saw that:

(1) Happiness is my nature
(2) We recognize things by what we think they are, rather than by what they really are
(3) Failure to recognize the reality leads to a mistake

Let us ponder over the last two conclusions in the coming passages. When do we recognize things by what we think they are? This requires a slightly extended thinking.

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Known and Unknown

Let us consider an example of a rope in dim light. When I see the rope in dim light, I can mistake that for a garland or a snake or a rope, because I do not have a clear knowledge about it. Now, if it had been completely dark, the rope would have been invisible and the thought of something being there would never have entered my mind if the first place. In other words, if the object is totally not known to me I do not think about it. A totally unknown object will never become the object of inquiry. Since I do not think about it, I cannot make a mistake about it. Thus an unknown object, can never become the locus of my mistake.

Suppose there is ample light for me to understand that it is a rope, there is NO way I can mistake the rope for a garland or snake. Thus a known object cannot be the locus of my mistake. Now read the following sentence slowly

Neither something that is completely unknown, nor something that is completely known can be mistaken for some other thing that it is not

Uff..sounds a little lengthy and profound. Let us take another look at it and break down the sentence into two statements:

(1) That I know cannot be mistaken for something else.
(2) That I do not know does not become the object of enquiry.

Thus I clearly can understand that things which are both completely known and unknown cannot be the loci of my mistakes!! But in dim light, the rope is mistaken by me for a snake. I recognize that something is there and my own projection of the rope is a snake. Thus the rope is evident enough to be mistaken for! Or in other words partial knowledge about the rope makes me mistake it for a snake! More importantly, to commit a mistake there must be something. A basis is needed to commit a mistake.

Now we are in a position to answer the question that we posed namely When do we recognize things by what we think they are? We now know:

(1) There must be something for me to commit a mistake
(2) I do not know about it clearly
(3) I recognize the things by what I think they are only when there is lack of clarity in my knowledge.
(4) I recognize things as they are when there is clear knowledge.
(5) I do not recognize things which are completely unknown to me.

Applying the same reasoning to happiness, unless I have had a perception of happiness in my mind,

(1) Can I think or enquire about it?
(2) Can I mistakenly superimpose it on the external sources?

If it had not been known to me but had remained totally unknown,

(1) It will NOT become a subject of my life.
(2) I will not compare. Every time I am exposed to a situation of happiness, I also follow it up with a statement: "no..it is boring, I want something else..". "I want something else" is nothing but the seeking of happiness because I get bored.

So what is the basis? Where to stop and where to start and how to appropriately address the titular question? We clearly see that we yearn for happiness in our life since it is our nature. In my worldly chores, my whole life is totally dedicated to gain happiness as I see it. Somehow, I have got the idea that my nature is happiness and I want to be in tune with my nature. The moment I enjoy a particular situation I forget the limitations in me and feel joyous. I forget the limitation of the body, mind, senses and the objects.

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Power of judgment

The recognition of things through my projections is because of the power of judgment that I am endowed with. A man can commit a mistake because of the wrong judgment. An animal on the other hand does not have the capacity to judge. It is because the man is self-conscious and an animal is not. The life of an animal is pre-programmed by the nature. The self-consciousness gives the man the ability to discriminate and choose. For e.g. the food we eat. We choose different food stuff and eat, whereas a cow eats grass without any thinking. The program of the nature in the cow is clear. If it is hungry it eats. It has the basic ability to identify some things which are not edible and it eats grass preferably. It does not choose between green grass and pale yellow grass. It eats grass indiscriminately. Thus the power to discriminate and choose is not given to an animal. A human has this power. Man is always in the grip of self-judgment. This self-judgment leads the man to take him self to be something other than what he really is. This clear understanding about my being self conscious is the prelude to succeeding passage.

I am clear that my nature is happiness to which I am occasionally exposed. Once again to re-iterate, if happiness had not been my nature, I will not be seeking to be in such a state all the time and if I had not been exposed to it, I will not be thinking about it. If it had not been experienced, I need not enquire about it (Refer to the unknown/known object argument). But the fact that I have experienced it, now leads me to the following questions:

(1) If my nature is happiness, why do I get unhappy?
(2) What takes me away from my nature?

It is understandable that answering (2) answers (1) because, when the source that takes me away from the nature is identified, I can understand the reason behind my getting unhappy. To be contd..

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(Based on the notes from Swamiji's Is Happiness to be Gained )

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Is happiness to be gained ? - Part 2

Huh..tough indeed are the questions that we asked in the first part of this series. To recapitulate, the questions we faced are:

(1) Is happiness an object on the earth?
(2) Is it an experience to be gained?
(3) What exactly do we mean by happiness?

We saw through some examples that there is no object called happiness on the earth. Thus the first question as to whether happiness is an object is answered but negatively. The next question in the series is to analyze whether any experience will give me happiness.

I sleep. I feel happy when I am asleep. But if I am happy when I am sleeping, why am I not sleeping all the time? I definitely do not like that. Thus in spite of my being happy while I sleep, I do not want to sleep the entire day or life. Why ? It is because I simply cannot sleep all the time since I yearn for a change. Thus sleeping which is an external experience sought after by me, cannot be the constant source of happiness that I am seeking. Happiness that comes from any external medium cannot be with me all the time. Every time I am exposed to an experience which shows me happiness, I find that after a particular length of time, I yearn for a change.

Let us take the case of a sugar crystal once again. We know that the nature of the sugar crystal is sweetness. The crystal does not have to yearn for its nature because, it is all by itself, sweet. Let us rephrase the three questions that we put above in a slightly different fashion:

Is happiness to be gained or is it my nature?

We found by a logical reasoning that if it is gained in time, it vanishes with time. The example of not being able to sleep all the time vindicates the former statement. That which is a function of place and time, is bound to change. So what do I do now? I am in a fix. I clearly recognize that:

(1) Happiness is not an object on the earth
(2) Anything that I try to gain in time, is time-bound
(3) Anything that is a function of place and time is bound to change

So where is happiness? What is happiness? I am still clueless as to whether it is to be gained since I just concluded that anything gained in time is not permanent. Let us muse over the other dimension of the same problem.

We find everybody is struggling to attain something. What is that something? As it is easy to see, the constant search is definitely for a better, happier existence. If you ask the people why they are unhappy, each offers a reason of his own: health, wealth, family problems etc. Now let us consider this situation: logically speaking, if each person is unhappy because of a particular problem or a reason, they must be happy once that gets resolved. Suppose there is a person complaining that his only problem is the marriage of his daughter: once she gets married, if he is asked "Hello Sir, are you happy now"?, he would reply "No Sir, these days I don't get any letters from her. So I am unhappy".

Problems like the ones mentioned afore are called topical problems. A genuine researcher in the pursuit of clear answers would address the issue more fundamentally. Instead of addressing the problems which are corollary to the main problem, a researcher tries to identify the main problem and address it.

The main and fundamental problem which relates to these topical problems is easy to recognize. Why am I unhappy? Where and when do I start getting unhappy? An even more fundamental problem if recognized, would help dispel the cloud around the afore-mentioned questions. A fundamental analysis is necessary. By fundamental analysis I mean, we must analyze without any presuppositions. We started off the discussion in Part 1 of this series with a presupposition that everybody wants to be happy. Is this axiomatic approach right? Let us once again ask some questions:

(1) Why do I want to be happy?
(2) Why do I not develop love for the state of being unhappy?

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Happiness is my nature

All the questions put till now vanish without a trace when I recognize that happiness is my nature. The reason is evident from the observation that, I do not want to skip a happy moment anytime. A happy moment is what I like to be in, all the time. The very fact that I want to hold onto it, shows that it is my nature. Whenever there is unhappiness, I tend to escape. I try to find solutions to the problems that arise from the state of unhappiness. As we can easily recognize, the solutions to the problems that we face are the ways to attain happiness thus trying to get away from an unhappy situation all the time.

It is understandable that I feel at home when I am with my nature. Since I relax, revel and be completely comfortable with being happy, I infer that my nature is happiness. Wonderful, is it not?!!! When I am not with my nature, it affects me. A simple example is the telling of a lie. Anybody who tells a lie, clearly feels guilt in his mind. This sense of discomfort does not arise when you tell the truth. Thus the truth which is natural makes you feel at home, whereas the lie unsettles you An eye-bug that enters the eye makes you feel uncomfortable. Unless you get rid of it, you do not feel comfortable. Thus you have a tendency to escape a situation which does not make you feel at home. An unhappy situation does not make you feel at home and you want to escape it. Something that is not my nature, when it enters me, disturbs me.

What is natural will never disturb me. What is unnatural will always disturb me. A topical problem has a solution but just as we recognized, the topical problem itself is impermanent. Therefore, the solution to the topical problem also is impermanent. A deeper or a more fundamental problem is the reason why I hog on to happiness and escape unhappiness. This is a perennial problem that I face and a permanent solution which addresses this must be found. The solution to the problem is in the understanding that my nature is happiness.

Thus I conclude that not a person, not an object not a situation is the prime reason for my happiness. I clearly understood that the happiness has to be my nature. Now we come to the next logical question - is this happiness to be gained ? We must now make a distinction between gaining and recognizing. Gaining is action and recognizing is knowledge. I must recognize whether the happiness is external to me, within me or if it is my nature.

If happiness is my nature, why is there a problem in recognizing it? It is because I tend to associate and superimpose happiness with the objects or experiences of the universe. I do not see things as they are! At this juncture it seems like I am trying to confound you with profound sentences. Hence let us take an example: a rope in the dim light. I can mistakenly recognize it as a garland or snake or anything else. This happens in our life most of the times. Now try to read this sentence slowly:

We recognize things by what we think they are, rather than by what they really are.

A failure to recognize the reality associated with the things, leads us to a mistake. Thus the failure to see clearly the real source of happiness makes me mistakenly feel that something else is the source of happiness. The failure to see that I am the source of happiness makes me look around and claim mistakenly that the objects of world are the sources of happiness. Place, time and objects, I superimpose as the sources of happiness since I fail to recognize that I am the source of happiness.

So how do I go about recognizing that I am the source of happiness? To be contd..

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(Based on the notes from Swamiji's Is Happiness to be Gained )

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Is happiness to be gained ? - Part 1

In this world of burgers and fries, we seem to be busy in our own way all the time. To stop and muse over what we need to eat seems to be a luxury. A moment to think about the music that we love seems to be too long. We stuff ourselves with lowly food, the quality of which we do not question, because our precious time could be used for work. We do not care for the music that we listen because the music is just a companion to keep ourselves awake as we drive. A conversation with business tycoon by an employee:

E : Sir, the coffee has come
T : Sorry I am busy
E : Sir, the charity people are waiting outside
T : Sorry I am busy
E : Sir, your daughter needs to be picked up by you
T : Sorry I am busy
E : Sir, you need to..
T : Sorry I am busy !!!!
E : (frustrated)Sir, are you sorry that you are busy ?

The continuous performance of action seems to be our goal of life. We think, unless we act a lot we cannot enjoy life. The reason we work more is because we think that, the more we work, more we can earn and more money we make, happier we can be. How pathetic it is, not to realize that this is a vicious cycle! This stems from the notion that higher the bank balance, more balanced the life will be. It seems that increasing the bank balance is the goal of life. Sometimes it also appears that supporting the family is the goal of life. By this, I think I am happy.

But when we ask the people, "hey are you happy?", nobody answers, "Yes. I am". There are people who are happy in spite of nil bank balance and many rich people have a lot of wealth, but still are unhappy. In fact, Bangladesh, one of the poorest countries, ranks highest in the happiness index ! Most of the rich people take pills for sleep. In many of the western countries, people are not as peaceful as we think they are. By this, we do not mean to belittle money, its importance or its function in our lives. If so, what is the index or scale of happiness?

I am trying to understand if there can be a system, an idea or any way of life by which I stop searching for happiness from the external sources. This is a logical question that anybody would like to ask. Also, what exactly do I want to gain in my life? I have no immediate answer for these questions. But if I am asked if I want to be happy, I do not deny. I say "yes" immediately. Even sadists and masochists try to find happiness in the acts they perform. Thus, everybody has their own problems associated with their idea of happiness. The source of happiness is different for everyone. What makes one happy need not make the other (happy). A simple example is the pleasure that a smoker derives out of cigarette and the suffocation that the non-smoker endures in his presence. The questions that we face are :

(1) Is happiness an object on the earth ?
(2) Is it an experience to be gained ?
(3) What exactly do we mean by happiness ?

A thorough analysis of these questions is necessary.

A sugar crystal is sweet. It is sweet independent of where it is, who tastes it and when it is consumed. Hence we conclude that ?Sweetness is the nature of sugar. It can never give up its nature. Can I find an object which has the nature, happiness ? No.

Suppose a hungry person is offered a glass of sweet milk. He drinks a couple of glasses with glee. He is offered a third glass and he takes it with a grin. Fourth glass appeases his hunger completely and when the fifth glass is emptied by him, his tummy is stuffed. "Another glass ?", he hesitates but accepts for the sake of being a good guest but one more when offered, he strongly resents and says "I cannot have any more". So, the same glass of milk which originally was the source of happiness became unacceptable later. We can similarly analyze every situation and can conclude that there is not a single object in this universe, the eternal nature of which is happiness.

So how to address this problem ? To be contd..

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(Based on the notes from Swamiji's Is Happiness to be Gained)

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Boston Vedantic Retreat

Boston Vedantic Retreat (12/22/2003 - 01/01/2004) - A personal perspective

Why Vedanta Camp ?

I : "Hi Man..Where did you go for the holidays ?"
Friend : "Hey dude..gone to Florida with friends. Had a wild party..beer and all...It was fun"
I : "Oh ok..What did you do at the stroke of 12 ?"
Friend : "We guys went to the bar..man the music was just diddly doo woohoo..where did u go ?"
I : "Oh me ? I went to the spiritual retreat on vedanta at Boston"
Friend : "Oh cool..did you get to see Boston ? I mean there are so many places in there. Sure must have"
I : "Nope. no time at all. Camp was very busy with bhajans and
lectures on gita and vedanta"
Friend : "Man! all the holidays ! Why ? Any personal problem ? Why at this age man ?"
I : "No. no personal problem. What do you mean age ?"
Friend : "I mean..life is to be lived and enjoyed. not to be lived according to advices. spirituality and now ? huh.."

It was simply hilarious for my friend when I told him I was in a camp 24/7 without ever getting to see how Boston looked. He and the rest of my friends teased me for an "oldish youth" who does not understand the "pleasures of life".

Well, I could only laugh at them at my heart since they had absolutely no idea what experience I had been through at the Boston camp. In this world of burgers and fries, we seem to be busy in our own way all the time. To stop and muse over what to eat, seems to be a luxury. A moment to think about the music we love, seems to be too long. We stuff ourselves with lowly food, the quality
of which we do not question, because our precious time could be used for work. We do not care for the music we hear because the music is viewed as a companion to keep ourselves awake. We hardly listen to the inner soul of a melody, do not ruminate over the wonderful landscapes that an artist portrays in his paintings or to say, we have become less and less sensitive to our own self. An objective way of thinking complemented by appropriate willful action which would stem out
of emotional and intellectual maturity, is necessary to increase our sensitivity. A regular revitalization is essential and also sought after to ensure proper focus in the pursuits that we are engaged in our lives.

How do we generally plan to revitalize ourselves ? Take a trip to Caribbean in a cruise or go to Vegas ! Go to beach and enjoy a sun bath (unless it is winter) ! Go to a nice movie and sleep happily in the theatre..zzzz ! Or Beer ! Once that "recreational" activity is over, we are the same old self,
huffing and puffing over small but recurring upsets and jumping in joy when expectations turn true. The mind, like a spring, contracts in stress and expands in pleasure, and is bound to be fatigued in the long run.

We face ups and downs everyday. When we face a problem we are left with
two choices :

(1) escape from it
(2) address the problem properly and solve it

A diabetic tempted by the presence of sugar, can physically move away from it and escape the situation. But when the problem is internal, escape is not the solution. We seek recreation to escape the sense of discomfort that we have in facing ourselves honestly. A problem like this needs to be addressed properly and solved.

This problem is clearly addressed by Vedanta and this is why I am interested in it. I do not want to run away from myself in an effort to seek solace from the problems that I face in life. Rather, I would like to tackle them with the right attitude and focus my pursuit properly.

Swamiji Adhyatma Chaitanya

As in any pursuit, the mind must be prepared and only in the prepared mind will the knowledge enter. In every field of knowledge there is always a teacher and student lineage and Vedanta is strictly based on tradition of teaching. The word Guru means one who removes the ignorance of self (the whole).

I found my guru in Swamiji Adhyatma Chaitanya, a teacher with unassuming friendliness and love, and a great scholar of Vedanta. The greatness of Swamiji lies in being able to explain the Vedic texts and their relevance in our day to day life in a simple and clear language. Swamiji's intense desire to share the great wisdom of the masters of the Vedas forced him to study the scriptures
properly with great teachers. He practiced yoga and meditation properly with many masters from the Himalayas for ten years after leaving Mata Amritanandamayi's mission. He then started the institution 'Ma Arsha Maitri Niketan' under Maitri Trust. This center is dedicated to dispensing Vedic knowledge and the meaningful way of Vedic living. Vedic way of living helps one to face the problems efficiently without wasting one's physical, emotional and spiritual energy in this modern age of comfort and technology. Many programs and teachings according to the Vedic heritage and life are conducted all over world especially in Switzerland, Germany, France, Austria, USA and the Middle Eastern
Gulf countries. Regular classes are offered by Swamiji twice a day through tele-conferencing
which is free and available to all.

Camp Activities

Two camps were conducted by Swamiji in USA - one in the thanksgiving weekend (TGD) at Gainesville, FL and one in winter holidays at Boston, MA in the year 2003. The Boston camp
had 60 students of Swamiji who came from all parts of the USA and Europe. The camp was conducted at sadhuvaswani centre of Dracut,MA.

Wake up call and Chanting

Every day at the camp started with the wake up call which was given by one of the early risers. Well, could I escape it any day ? No chance. Especially when somebody ings a huge cow-bell near my ears ! The moment I got up, my trance was further removed by Venkatesa suprabatham. And in the allowed 30 minutes people battled out the cold to finish a shower, shivering (well, dancing to be exact). Group chanting of Medha suktam, Purusha suktam, Mantrapushpam and other shlokas followed. The ambience was reverberating in the shlokas and an air of divinity prevailed. Those who knew the shlokas, enhanced it and the others (like me) maintained silence.

Meditation

With the stage set, Swamiji guided us into meditation. It involved three disciplines:

(a) Physical

I sat in a comfortable posture ( sukhasana or padmasana or vajrasana ) with the chin mudra or the bhairava mudra. I was asked to keep the spine straight irrespective of the posture I took and keep my eyes closed. It was followed by the breathing exercises - kapaala baadhi and naadi shudhdhi. And it was followed by a deep relaxing breath.

(b) Oral

In the oral discipline, the group chanting of omkaara mantra was done. After a deep breath, the exhalation was accompanied by the chanting of "OM".

(c) Mental

Next step was to chant the omkaara mantra mentally. When the mind felt vague, Swamiji recommended chanting with the lip movement. When it was tough to concentrate, speed chanting in the mind was prescribed. This went on for the next 10 minutes. By this time, my synovial joints were calling for a break and my mind surprisingly wanted to stay and enjoy the calmness. Well..joints won the battle and I was eagerly awaiting Shanti mantra:

Om poorna mada poorna midam
Poornad poorna mudachyate
Poornasaya poornamadaya Poornameva vasishyate
Om shanti, shanti, shantihi
Shree gurubyo namaha
Harihi Om

Yoga

Any Hindu spiritual camp is perceived incomplete without yoga. Swamiji once remarked jocularly in the TGD camp: "A lady called up and asked about the camp. The students described the various activities with particular stress on the classes of Vedanta. But she asked repeatedly to ensure if yoga classes were there and was satisfied when she heard the affirmative. People seem to be interested in losing weight in the camps rather than gaining knowledge." The Boston camp with 60 people was much bigger than TGD camp. The sadhu vaswani hall was big and accommodative, but guess what ? Most of the attendees had caught cold ! With vigorous breathing exercises like tiger, rabbit and dog breathing, people were forcing air in and out of their pulmonary regions as Swamiji guided us through this intensive and interesting session. I have to admit - the pavana-muktaasana-kriya that Swamiji taught us - only he was able to do full justice to. Lying on the back with one leg folded and its knee kept at a kissing distance from the mouth, we desperately tried to rotate the other leg which was up and straight, in the clockwise and anti-clockwise directions. We ended up collapsing on the right or left sides regularly and it was a lot of fun ! Older people, youngsters, and kids alike ! Other exercises included yogic jogging, instant relaxation technique and more. Swamiji iterated that
the main aspect that makes yoga different from the common physical work out is the involvement of the mind as it visualizes the exercises as they are done.

The end of yoga had the best of asanas - shavasana - where we were asked to do nothing but lay on the back with legs and hands apart and eyes closed. Within 30 seconds, came some roaring sounds and Swamiji decided to cut the shavasana short since people were slowly embracing nidra devi (sleep).

Pranayama and Eye exercises

Apart from the breathing exercises in meditation and yoga, Pranayama - a specialized set of breathing exercises - were taught. Some of them were new and doable (abdominal, thoraxic and clavicular ). Some were difficult (Bastrika). Some like Braamari appeared funny since they created noises like a bunch of ghosts whining. Svadanta required inhalation through mouth with a wide grin ! Swamiji clearly explained to us the benefits
of these various exercises and the portions of the body which were correspondingly activated.

Eye exercises were the last to come in the morning session. Different controlled movements of eye-balls and eye lids were taught. Some of them were: vertical, horizontal, circular, diagonal and rectangular. Winking exercises were done and whenever eyes felt stress, palms were rubbed and were bent like cups and pressed/released against the eyes. While doing, Swamiji advised us NOT to touch the eyes with the warm palms, but let the heat radiate from the hands to the eyes.

Bhajans

Swamiji is a wonderful conductor and a lead singer of bhajans. His bhajans never have a sober moment primarily because they are fast paced, simple, choral and high spirited, supplemented by his wonderful skills on tabla. Most of the bhajans consist of a repetitive phrase sung in various speeds and tunes. It makes the audience simply get absorbed since the pace does not allow the mind to think about anything else. I had the privilege of playing harmonic accompaniment for Swamiji for all the bhajans.

The practice session for bhajans were memorable. Murali Rangarajan - a student of Swamiji from University of Florida led us during bhajan practice sessions. The practice sessions had their funny moments too. In a bhajan "ghaas khave gaiyya" (cows eat grass), was reproduced as "ghaas khaave bhaiya" (brother eats grass). Some melodious bhajans like "bachcha bachcha ram hai" and "Ish hamein deta hai" were learnt.

Food !

You may find it amusing that I am talking about the food ! The high point Swamiji's camps is that both accommodation and food are completely free to all the participants (regular or irregular). And who cooked the food for all ?! Swamiji ! He got
up at 2:30 AM everyday, did his daily meditation and puja (I was happily napping with others), and entered the kitchen at 4:00 AM. He cut the vegetables, cooked in big vessels for all, and was helped by a few equally diligent students. The first break of the day between 7:15 and 7:30 AM people would rush to the kitchen for a drink.. (After breathing like so many animals and doing pavana-muktasana-kriya one gets dehydrated ! Beware, if you drink anything before yoga, you are sure to regurgitate while doing it ). This herbal drink was made by Swamiji himself and it was a perfect if not a better substitute for coffee/tea (which was a strict no-no in the camp ). Everyday Swamiji had to make 5 big drums of the drink and still people claimed it insufficient. The food breaks were also the time of chit-chat :)

The satvik food that Swamiji made with broken wheat, vegetables, lentils accompanied with many other gravies like sambar etc. was a super hit ! Swamiji clearly required us not to worry about cooking and pay attention to the classes instead. He volunteered to cook and serve and he did. Serving of food was accompanied by the chanting of Chapter 15 of Bhagavad gita - PurushOttama yoga. Soon Swamiji was bugged by many for the "recipes" !

Classes

Well, the most important part of Swamiji's camp is the classes. We had three regular session of classes daily - morning, early noon and evening and we could still ask for more. Since after lunch tamasa guNa takes over (zzzzzzzzzzzz..) and Swamiji filled
it up with entertaining and engaging activities like Vedantic interpretation of some films or interactive question answer session.

(1) Kaivalya upanishad - Upanishad of total freedom

Upanishad reveals the truth about oneself directly. Only a person who is emotionally mature can grasp it and see the message behind the teaching. In this upanishad the systematic development of mind's maturity is laid out - Shraddha, bhakti, dhyaana, yoga. The beauty of Kaivalya upanishad is that, unlike other upanishads, it puts forth the core of the teaching without going through arguments. Or in other words, it is an elementary text (Well, it was not that elementary for me..).

(2) Ramayana - Struggle for Satyam (truth) and not for Mithya( unreal )

Swamiji told us how all the Puranas, Bhagavatam, Ramayana and Mahabharata are laden with vedanta. To illustrate, he explained how all the characters of Ramayana relate to the normal human being (me and you !). Any evolved mind can get confused when it interacts with inferior mind. Inferiority is with reference to the identification of the individuality and selfishness. The contact with Mantara, the servant maid, confused the evolved mind of Kaikeyi and forced her to send Rama to the forest. Rama who lost the country accepted the situation without any confusion or reaction because he
was aware of the truth. But Lakshmana, who was attached more to Rama than to anybody/anything else in the world, reacted wildly forgetting his own caliber. Shri Rama's teaching to Lakshmana about what should be attributed reality and worked for was the topic of discussion we had.

The teaching goes like this: that which has no permanent existence like country, kingship, wealth and body, mind and senses are all - Mithya. Rama teaches that there is no meaning in fighting for something that is impermanent and advises Lakshmana to try and know the truth about himself.

(3) Dharma-sammudha-chetaha - The Confusion that Leads to the Forgetfulness of Ones Duty

Confusion of Arjuna was the topic of discussion. It was clear from Swamiji's words that the kuruskshetra- the battlefield - that is described in Gita is none other than my mind (phew !). I am the Arjuna and Lord Krishna is the guru or the teaching which dispels the darkness or confusion. The great valiant soldier Arjuna went with a firm decision to battle adharma. But, he got benumbed on seeing his own kith and kin. He lost his inspiration to fight the battle since he was clear about what a battle would bring. He had already fought and won many battles and he was clear that the result of the battle
never brought him eternal happiness. Such a confusion could come, only to the mind which is sensitive to the truth and its ways. Dhuryodhana who was insensitive to the truth had no confusion. So Arjuna asked for shreyas - total freedom - which he worded as absolute good. Lord Krishna's teaching about the limitations of time, sorrow and ignorance reveal the goal for which one should fight in life. He taught Arjuna what his duty as a warrior was and prepared him for the highest knowledge - the total freedom.

Miscellaneous and cultural activities

The lunch prepared and served personally by Swamiji had all the heaviness to lull many to sleep. Swamiji cleverly made us see movies like "Invincible" (Billy Zane) and "animated Ramayan". The former had a tight script based on Vedanta (Swamiji stopped the play intermittently to explain ). If not for Swamiji, it would not have been appreciated since the acting was substandard. The ramayan on the other hand, was brilliant in conception and depiction. All the children and adults enjoyed it alike.

Some days had an interactive question answer session with Swamiji (Heart to Heart). Some of the interesting questions were:

(1) Where do we place deities in the cosmic order ?
(2) Where do we place humor ?
(3) What is manusmriti ?
(4) What are the resolutions that a sadhaka should resort to for
spiritual progress ?

One of the students (Swagatam Mukhopadyay) made brilliant artistic
impressions of some of the teachings of Swamiji which were hung on the walls. They were pithy and crisp and won many admirers. Sindhuja and I made a chart of the 20 values based on the teachings of Swamiji that a sadhaka should practice.

Various attendees gave inspired performances in the art form that they were trained in and we had dances, skits, songs, playing of instruments and fusion music.

Conclusion

All is well that ends well. With Swamiji it ended too well. The last day of the camp culminated with 10.5 hours of lectures, 5 hours of bhajans, 3 hours of cultural
activities and regular classes of yoga and pranayama. The New year was greeted with a rapturous 1.5 hr Bhajan session by Swamiji starting at 11:55 PM. It ended with a puja and a universal prayer for peace (and of course sweets !). Swamiji had earlier described this camp as "returnable sanyasa". And return I did, without stepping out of the building ever once before the camp ended, revitalized and ready to face the challenges of life
better, with more avidity and eagerness for the next camp to come.

Thank you Swamiji. Shree Gurubyo Namaha. Harihi Om.

Hinduism and I

Before I embark on the arduous journey of presenting some of the philosophical musings that I have nourished and cherished, a little introduction is needed from my side. I am Murali Venkatraman a candidate for Phd in Chemical engineering working to the close of my academic program in a university in USA. My first tryst with the philosophy started at eighth grade, with the directive of my high school principal to memorize 12th and 15th chapters of Bhagavad gita for a competition in oral rendition. I hardly understood a word of it and when I was later sent to learn Sanskrit privately, I sneaked out to the nearby soccer field and enjoyed my time better there. Now, my only repentance is not having paid enough attention to both. I don?t play soccer any more and I don?t know Sanskrit either. So all the questions pertinent to philosophy, logic and religion that I had in my mind, seemed to never be answered since any question on religion was answered back with a resounding ?Believe it. Don?t question? kind of statement and as a student with a scientific bent of mind I hardly had heart to believe what was imposed on me without ?proof?. Do pooja, do japa, do meditation ? so many do?s without any proper foundation that the more I heard the directives, the higher the resistance grew in me for all such ritualistic activities.

As a frustrated soul, I sought solace in some books on philosophy which with their flights of bombastic verbiage, compromised on the meaning and communicability and left me confounded. So rituals and books were out. What next? Swamis. There are so many in India. Who to choose and whom to ask? Somehow the interest in me had already dwindled by then to a great extent and I had stopped questioning in the lines of religion. I progressed and grew academically and other enthusing topics like music and college life took control.

It was followed by the PhD program. It has been a tough fight combating the depressive situations where I had no results accompanied by depression and sometimes moments of elation when I got some substantial work done. These mood swings coupled with a lot of time that one gets as a PhD student started to make me think once again about the philosophy of life and the reasons for whatever that I am doing in life. These questions started tearing my inner personality and any of the books that I attempted reading threw me into utter chaos without answering my fundamental question ? ?Who am I ??. The logic given in all the philosophy books was too convoluted and did not address the question for a beginner like me.

It is at this juncture that I decided to pay heed to Swamiji Adhyatma Chaitanya?s lectures. Swamiji, though has always been available for me to learn, I never, with my indifferent mind, attached any value to his vision of life. A great scholar of Sanskrit and Vedanta and a disciple of many great Mahatmas, he is articulate and clear in the answers of all the questions that I put to him. He has a clear answer to the approach I must adopt in life and this encouraged me to listen, write and share with you the various ideas that I I have been learning from him from the great Vedantic texts namely Gita, Vivekachudamani, tatvabodha, etc.. The space here will be updated regularly with the musings that we share in the class that he conducts over a conference call in USA, to which anybody interested can connect and listen to for free. The ideas to be presented in this personal space of mine are, as I must clearly say, my limited interpretations and expression of the teachings of Swamiji. The weblogs will be updated regularly by me and my friends who learn from Swamiji too.

Readers are welcome to comment and discuss. More information about Swamiji himself can be found at: